Once upon a time — before smartphones, TikTok dances, and the ability to buy serotonin in gummy form — there was a sacred Canadian rite of passage: The MuchMusic Video Dance Party.
If you know, you know. If you don’t know, grab a Werther’s Original and pull up a chair, because we’re about to take a trip down memory lane (and possibly to the chiropractor after).
An Oral-ish History of the MuchMusic Video Dance Party
The concept was deceptively simple: Take a giant high school gym. Add a few crepe paper streamers for ✨ambiance✨. Wheel in some rickety speakers, a few projection screens, and blast the exact same five music videos on a loop (shoutout to “Gonna Make You Sweat” by C+C Music Factory for doing 80% of the heavy lifting).
Congratulations! You’ve just birthed a Much Video Dance Party.
For a generation of 90s Canadian kids, this was the event. It was the first time you wore cologne on purpose. It was the first time you tried to "grind" without actually understanding what grinding was. It was the first time you realized that an open gym floor packed with 400 hormonal tweens, no ventilation, and strobe lighting could cause hallucinations without drugs.
And it was glorious.
MuchMusic was basically the cool older cousin who said, "Yeah, let’s throw a rave for 13-year-olds, what could possibly go wrong?" (Answer: a lot. But that's what made it iconic.)
Signs You Survived a MuchMusic Video Dance Party (And Are Now Old As Hell)
If you ever attended one of these high-octane hormone festivals, here’s a short checklist of things you should probably be doing now:
-
Schedule a lower back MRI.
Because you thought you could drop it like it was hot to “Baby Got Back” in grade 8 and your L5 vertebrae has never recovered. -
Start taking a senior vitality vitamin.
You earned it, king/queen. You didn’t survive a fog machine at full blast for four hours to just raw dog your B12 levels now. -
Rehydrate. Constantly.
You sweat out 87% of your body's natural moisture during the “Macarena.” It's time to pay the piper. -
Forgive yourself for the outfit choices.
You were a kid. Those tearaway Adidas pants paired with a metallic tank top were a cultural moment. Own it. -
Book a therapist appointment to unpack “Sandstorm” by Darude.
Because even hearing that song today triggers a primal need to sprint across a gymnasium like a caffeinated meerkat.
Essential Much Video Dance Party Starter Pack
Here’s what every good Much Video Dance Party needed:
✔ At least one kid crying in the corner. Usually after being rejected during "November Rain."
✔ Three fights breaking out over nothing. Probably about who invented The Running Man.
✔ A DJ who looked like he hated every single one of us. Which honestly, fair.
✔ That one couple dry-humping in front of the principal. Stay classy, 1997.
✔ A tragically misfired glow stick. In someone’s eye. Every. Single. Time.
And most importantly...
✔ Faithfully blasting "Cotton Eye Joe" every hour on the hour. Because nothing says "unified Canadian youth experience" quite like absolutely losing your mind to a fiddling fever dream.
In Conclusion:
MuchMusic Video Dance Parties were chaotic, sweaty, borderline illegal — and we wouldn't change a single thing.
Were they a little weird? Yes.
Were they probably the origin story of our collective back pain, seasonal depression, and deeply specific music taste? Also yes.
But damn, they were beautiful.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go Google "Where to buy glucosamine supplements" while blasting Aqua’s "Turn Back Time" and ugly crying into my vintage Northern Getaway hoodie.
